The tree in the backyard watched us while we inhaled on the porch,
exhaling chuckles and talking of future travels.
Now, the tree watches me cry and wonder and laugh and cry
and talk to the mirror in search of answers.
It peeks at my naked body from the bathroom window.
Open curtains, I like for it to watch me.
Witness me unravel into insanity.
Find true happiness.
Tree be the keeper of my memories.
– from Mirror Meditations
The hard part
is the year after your reality shifts–
the madness
the push & the pull
the reflections
the misery
the deliverance
the blessings
the change
I have taught myself to do what is necessary to face the dark…
to survive–
to not die, die, die.
“Do you believe in God?” he asked.
Of course, I’m talking to you, aren’t I?
(an ode to Yuny)
What experiences will shape a writer in their lifetime?
Is it the academic ones, career choices,
or the biggest teacher of all…
Life?
I tried to do a lot of stupid things,
like disappear and burn myself to ashes.
I thought I could go unnoticed,
but that invisible pull yanked me out of the grave I made.
Losing Josie…
Rest in peace, Angel.
I am bones, blood, and flesh
and you are spirit, energy…
a thought that haunts me beautifully.
Sometimes I’m walking or
sitting and listening in a room of a hundred bodies
and I am nowhere to be found.
Lightyears away with you and you and you.
How is it that we’re in communication but
there are no words?
To know. To know. To know–
that it is happening all at once
and still my body cannot keep up.
I betray myself when I wake.
Sometimes there is nothing to prepare for.
There is only waiting and going through the emotions.
And on a random Friday night in a club,
you will meet again, and everything will change.
Everything will be better.
I give in. I give in. I give in–
To the unknown, to the glory, to the shadows.
The playlist doesn’t drown the thoughts anymore.
There’s something better that came…
You kept your promise,
thank you.
To you and
the most high.
Chemistry in the dark of Oonga
I saw you and
became yours.
I moved my body so you could see me.
One dance and
we were in each other’s arms.
You became mine.
Keep your seatbelt on.
That has burned in my mind,
since the moment it escaped the tunnels of his throat.
(an ode to Mars)
I remember the day I thought it:
I want it all to change, because if it doesn’t,
they will find my body floating in the water.
I thought it.
I believed it.
I am making with it…
This is the aftermath of daydreaming.
We are the heroes & the villains in this story.
That is part of the human experience.
Alba’s voice echoing in the pockets of my mind–
Cuando le ponen el reloj, no le queda mucho tiempo…
Un niño tan alegre…
Lo dejaron tirado en la calle.
Is it the City that’s sucking the life out of me?
my gone loves?
the past?
Is it everything I super glued to my journal because I wanted it forever?
the lack of iron?
Is it smoking damn near every day of the year to erase the image of Negro laid out on the concrete in Red. Red. Red.
I felt alone and lost and cried to the tree in my backyard.
Your first taste of love will transform you.
Your second taste of love will almost kill you.
Your third…
Marked by the Angel of death.
2 glances, a year apart.
Lifetime of dialogue exchanged in
milliseconds while Christmas music played
on the Blue line heading to O’Hare.
Am I about to have a heart attack?
He looked at me.
This is what they call a spiritual experience…
I had believed that sincerity had been tarnished.
I was wrong, wrong, wrong–
Sadness can do that to you.
I want to live. I want to love. I want to grow old…
I have taken root in some,
leaving tender memories–
and poison in the spaces of others.
But there,
in the nowhere of one’s inner self, I exist…
Unforgotten.
Fragments of me shaping the outcome of you.
What a poetic experience it has been to find the knowledge I sought out years ago.
A journey that had taken far too long.
Many mistakes, many tragedies,
and much sadness that occurred in the chapters of maturing.
Be First to Comment